Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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