ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
