i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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