I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
