Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
