I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
