I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
