I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You're like the curious george of whores
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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