Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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