My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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