Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
