Just fell off a train. Bad.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm having to shit out rocks
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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