I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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