She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
