i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
