I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
