Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
