I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have fence marks all over my body
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