Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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