apparently the secret to your success is patron
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
