Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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