How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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