looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
