And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
