I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
