this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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