babies were throwing up all over the place
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize