just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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