I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
