Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
