I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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