Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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