I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
