i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
