Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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