Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
