At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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