can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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