I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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