Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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