I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
