And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
