I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
