And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
