i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
