Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
