i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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