You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
