Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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