Don't make out with my wife yet
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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