Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize