All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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