I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
