he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
