no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
