Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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