dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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