My nipple is on Facebook.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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