P.S. I can't hear my feet
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
