I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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