Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
