He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
