no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
