I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize