do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
