Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
