So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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