I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
