3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i think i just lost a toe
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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