I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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