it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
