I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
