3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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