oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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