well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
